Doctor Jokes

Updated March 15, 2017 | Infoplease Staff

Doctor, doctor, I have this feeling that I'm invisible!

Doctor w/ X-Ray

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory!

– When did you lose it?

When did I lose what?

Doctor, doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound!

Try answering the phone!

Doctor, doctor, what did the X-ray of my head show?


Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm turning into a bear!

– How long have you felt this way?

Ever since I was a cub!

Doctor, doctor, everyone thinks I'm a liar!

I just can't believe that!

Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses!

I think so too-this is a candy store!

Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing funny spots before my eyes!

– Have you seen a doctor before?

No, just funny spots!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a hundred-dollar bill!

Go to the store-change would do you good!

Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in four places!

Well, don't go back to any of them!


Doctor, doctor, I have this feeling that I'm invisible!

Did I hear a voice?

Doctor, doctor, I've had a stomachache since I ate that cheese.

– Did it smell funny when you unwrapped it?

I was supposed to unwrap it?

Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed my pen!

Well then, start using a pencil!

Doctor, doctor, will I be able to swim after this operation?

– Yes!

Great, I never could before!

Doctor, doctor, whenever I drink juice I get a pain in my eye!

Try taking the straw out of the glass!

Doctor w/ Bandaid

Doctor, doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!

– Please sit down on this chair and tell me about it.

I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture!

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