The book from which Washington derived almost the whole of his education
warned its readers,—
"Young Men have ever more a special care That Womanish Allurements prove
not a snare;"
but, however carefully the lad studied the rest, this particular
admonition took little root in his mind. There can be no doubt that
Washington during the whole of his life had a soft heart for women, and
especially for good-looking ones, and both in his personal intercourse and
in his letters he shows himself very much more at ease with them than in
his relations with his own sex. Late in life, when the strong passions of
his earlier years were under better control, he was able to write,—
"Love is said to be an involuntary passion, and it is, therefore,
contended that it cannot be resisted. This is true in part only, for like
all things else, when nourished and supplied plentifully with aliment, it
is rapid in its progress; but let these be withdrawn and it may be stifled
in its birth or much stinted in its growth. For example, a woman (the same
may be said of the other sex) all beautiful and accomplished will, while
her hand and heart are undisposed of, turn the heads and set the circle in
which she moves on fire. Let her marry, and what is the consequence? The
madness ceases and all is quiet again. Why? not because there is any
diminution in the charms of the lady, but because there is an end of hope.
Hence it follows, that love may and therefore ought to be under the
guidance of reason, for although we cannot avoid first impressions, we may
assuredly place them under guard."
To write thus in one's sixty-sixth year and to practise one's theory in
youth were, however, very different undertakings. Even while discussing
love so philosophically, the writer had to acknowledge that "in the
composition of the human frame, there is a good deal of inflammable
matter," and few have had better cause to know it. When he saw in the
premature engagement of his ward, Jack Custis, the one advantage that it
would "in a great measure avoid those little flirtations with other young
ladies that may, by dividing the attention, contribute not a little to
divide the affection," it is easy to think of him as looking back to his
own boyhood, and remembering, it is to be hoped with a smile, the
sufferings he owed to pretty faces and neatly turned ankles.
While still a school-boy, Washington was one day caught "romping with one
of the largest girls," and very quickly more serious likings followed. As
early as 1748, when only sixteen years of age, his heart was so engaged
that while at Lord Fairfax's and enjoying the society of Mary Cary he
poured out his feelings to his youthful correspondents "Dear Robin" and
"Dear John" and "Dear Sally" as follows:
"My place of Residence is at present at His Lordships where I might was my
heart disengag'd pass my time very pleasantly as theres a very agreeable
Young Lady Lives in the same house (Colo George Fairfax's Wife's Sister)
but as thats only adding Fuel to fire it makes me the more uneasy for by
often and unavoidably being in Company with her revives my former Passion
for your Low Land Beauty whereas was I to live more retired from young
Women I might in some measure eliviate my sorrows by burying that chast
and troublesome Passion in the grave of oblivion or etarnall forgetfulness
for as I am very well assured thats the only antidote or remedy that I
shall be releivd by or only recess that can administer any cure or help to
me as I am well convinced was I ever to attempt any thing I should only
get a denial which would be only adding grief to uneasiness."
"Was my affections disengaged I might perhaps form some pleasure in the
conversation of an agreeable Young Lady as theres one now Lives in the
same house with me but as that is only nourishment to my former affecn for
by often seeing her brings the other into my remembrance whereas perhaps
was she not often & (unavoidably) presenting herself to my view I might in
some measure aliviate my sorrows by burying the other in the grave of
Oblivion I am well convinced my heart stands in defiance of all others but
only she thats given it cause enough to dread a second assault and from a
different Quarter tho' I well know let it have as many attacks as it will
from others they cant be more fierce than it has been."
"I Pass the time of[f] much more agreeabler than what I imagined I should
as there's a very agrewable Young Lady lives in the same house where I
reside (Colo George Fairfax's Wife's Sister) that in a great Measure
cheats my thoughts altogether from your Parts I could wish to be with you
down there with all my heart but as it is a thing almost Impractakable
shall rest myself where I am with hopes of shortly having some Minutes of
your transactions in your Parts which will be very welcomely receiv'd."
Who this "Low Land Beauty" was has been the source of much speculation,
but the question is still unsolved, every suggested damsel—Lucy Grymes,
Mary Bland, Betsy Fauntleroy, et al.—being either impossible or the
evidence wholly inadequate. But in the same journal which contains the
draughts of these letters is a motto poem—
"Twas Perfect Love before
But Now I do adore"—
followed by the words "Young M.A. his W[ife?]," and as it was a fashion
of the time to couple the initials of one's well-beloved with such
sentiments, a slight clue is possibly furnished. Nor was this the only
rhyme that his emotions led to his inscribing in his journal: and he
confided to it the following:
"Oh Ye Gods why should my Poor Resistless Heart
Stand to oppose thy might and Power
At Last surrender to cupids feather'd Dart
And now lays Bleeding every Hour
For her that's Pityless of my grief and Woes
And will not on me Pity take
He sleep amongst my most inveterate Foes
And with gladness never wish to wake
In deluding sleepings let my Eyelids close
That in an enraptured Dream I may
In a soft lulling sleep and gentle repose
Possess those joys denied by Day."
However woe-begone the young lover was, he does not seem to have been
wholly lost to others of the sex, and at this same time he was able to
indite an acrostic to another charmer, which, if incomplete, nevertheless
proves that there was a "midland" beauty as well, the lady being
presumptively some member of the family of Alexanders, who had a
plantation near Mount Vernon.
"From your bright sparkling Eyes I was undone;
Rays, you have; more transperent than the Sun.
Amidst its glory in the rising Day
None can you equal in your bright array;
Constant in your calm and unspotted Mind;
Equal to all, but will to none Prove kind,
So knowing, seldom one so Young, you'l Find.
Ah! woe's me, that I should Love and conceal
Long have I wish'd, but never dare reveal,
Even though severely Loves Pains I feel;
Xerxes that great, was't free from Cupids Dart,
And all the greatest Heroes, felt the smart."
When visiting Barbadoes, in 1751, Washington noted in his journal his
meeting a Miss Roberts, "an agreeable young lady," and later he went with
her to see some fireworks on Guy Fawkes day. Apparently, however, the
ladies of that island made little impression on him, for he further noted,
"The Ladys Generally are very agreeable but by ill custom or w[ha]t effect
the Negro style." This sudden insensibility is explained by a letter he
wrote to William Fauntleroy a few weeks after his return to Virginia:
"Sir: I should have been down long before this, but my business in
Frederick detained me somewhat longer than I expected, and immediately
upon my return from thence I was taken with a violent Pleurise, but
purpose as soon as I recover my strength, to wait on Miss Betsy, in hopes
of a revocation of the former cruel sentence, and see if I can meet with
any alteration in my favor. I have enclosed a letter to her, which should
be much obliged to you for the delivery of it. I have nothing to add but
my best respects to your good lady and family, and that I am, Sir, Your
most ob't humble serv't."
Because of this letter it has been positively asserted that Betsy
Fauntleroy was the Low-Land Beauty of the earlier time; but as Washington
wrote of his love for the latter in 1748, when Betsy was only eleven, the
absurdity of the claim is obvious.
In 1753, while on his mission to deliver the governor's letter to the
French, one duty which fell to the young soldier was a visit to royalty,
in the person of Queen Aliquippa, an Indian majesty who had "expressed
great Concern" that she had formerly been slighted. Washington records
that "I made her a Present of a Match-coat and a Bottle of Rum; which
latter was thought much the best Present of the Two," and thus (externally
and internally) restored warmth to her majesty's feelings.
When returned from his first campaign, and resting at Mount Vernon, the
time seems to have been beguiled by some charmer, for one of Washington's
officers and intimates writes from Williamsburg, "I imagine you By this
time plung'd in the midst of delight heaven can afford & enchanted By
Charmes even Stranger to the Ciprian Dame," and a footnote by the same
hand only excites further curiosity concerning this latter personage by
indefinitely naming her as "Mrs. Neil."
With whatever heart-affairs the winter was passed, with the spring the
young man's fancy turned not to love, but again to war, and only when the
defeat of Braddock brought Washington back to Mount Vernon to recover from
the fatigues of that campaign was his intercourse with the gentler sex
resumed. Now, however, he was not merely a good-looking young fellow, but
was a hero who had had horses shot from under him and had stood firm when
scarlet-coated men had run away. No longer did he have to sue for the
favor of the fair ones, and Fairfax wrote him that "if a Satterday Nights
Rest cannot be sufficient to enable your coming hither to-morrow, the
Lady's will try to get Horses to equip our Chair or attempt their strength
on Foot to Salute you, so desirous are they with loving Speed to have an
occular Demonstration of your being the same Identical Gent—that lately
departed to defend his Country's Cause." Furthermore, to this letter was
appended the following:
"DEAR SIR,—After thanking Heaven for your safe return I must accuse you
of great unkindness in refusing us the pleasure of seeing you this night.
I do assure you nothing but our being satisfied that our company would be
disagreeable should prevent us from trying if our Legs would not carry us
to Mount Vernon this night, but if you will not come to us to-morrow
morning very early we shall be at Mount Vernon.
"S[ALLY] FAIRFAX,
"ANN SPEARING.
"ELIZ'TH DENT."
Nor is this the only feminine postscript of this time, for in the
postscript of a letter from Archibald Cary, a leading Virginian, he is
told that "Mrs. Cary & Miss Randolph joyn in wishing you that sort of
Glory which will most Indear you to the Fair Sex."
In 1756 Washington had occasion to journey on military business to Boston,
and both in coming and in going he tarried in New York, passing ten days
in his first visit and about a week on his return. This time was spent
with a Virginian friend, Beverly Robinson, who had had the good luck to
marry Susannah Philipse, a daughter of Frederick Philipse, one of the
largest landed proprietors of the colony of New York. Here he met the
sister, Mary Philipse, then a girl of twenty-five, and, short as was the
time, it was sufficient to engage his heart. To this interest no doubt are
due the entries in his accounts of sundry pounds spent "for treating
Ladies," and for the large tailors' bills then incurred. But neither
treats nor clothes won the lady, who declined his proposals, and gave her
heart two years later to Lieutenant-Colonel Roger Morris. A curious sequel
to this disappointment was the accident that made the Roger Morris house
Washington's head-quarters in 1776, both Morris and his wife being
fugitive Tories. Again Washington was a chance visitor in 1790, when, as
part of a picnic, he "dined on a dinner provided by Mr. Marriner at the
House lately Colo. Roger Morris, but confiscated and in the occupation of
a common Farmer."
It has been asserted that Washington loved the wife of his friend George
William Fairfax, but the evidence has not been produced. On the contrary,
though the two corresponded, it was in a purely platonic fashion, very
different from the strain of lovers, and that the correspondence implied
nothing is to be found in the fact that he and Sally Carlyle (another
Fairfax daughter) also wrote each other quite as frequently and on
the same friendly footing; indeed, Washington evidently classed them
in the same category, when he stated that "I have wrote to my two
female correspondents." Thus the claim seems due, like many another of
Washington's mythical love-affairs, rather to the desire of descendants to
link their family "to a star" than to more substantial basis. Washington
did, indeed, write to Sally Fairfax from the frontier, "I should think our
time more agreeably spent, believe me, in playing a part in Cato, with the
company you mention, and myself doubly happy in being the Juba to such a
Marcia, as you must make," but private theatricals then no more than now
implied "passionate love." What is more, Mrs. Fairfax was at this very
time teasing him about another woman, and to her hints Washington
replied,—
"If you allow that any honor can be derived from my opposition ... you
destroy the merit of it entirely in me by attributing my anxiety to the
animating prospect of possessing Mrs. Custis, when—I need not tell you,
guess yourself. Should not my own Honor and country's welfare be the
excitement? 'Tis true I profess myself a votary of love. I acknowledge
that a lady is in the case, and further I confess that this lady is known
to you. Yes, Madame, as well as she is to one who is too sensible of her
charms to deny the Power whose influence he feels and must ever submit to.
I feel the force of her amiable beauties in the recollection of a thousand
tender passages that I could wish to obliterate, till I am bid to revive
them. But experience, alas! sadly reminds me how impossible this is, and
evinces an opinion which I have long entertained that there is a Destiny
which has the control of our actions, not to be resisted by the strongest
efforts of Human Nature. You have drawn me, dear Madame, or rather I have
drawn myself, into an honest confession of a simple Fact. Misconstrue not
my meaning; doubt it not, nor expose it. The world has no business to know
the object of my Love, declared in this manner to you, when I want to
conceal it. One thing above all things in this world I wish to know, and
only one person of your acquaintance can solve me that, or guess my
meaning."
