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The Devil's Dictionary

by Ambrose Bierce
TRIAL
TRINITY

TRICHINOSIS

-n.

The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need and immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day."

"Pork?" shrieked the patient - "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"

"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.

"I swear it!"

"Good! - then I will undertake to cure you."