The Devil's Dictionary: Trichinosis
The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need and immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day."
"Pork?" shrieked the patient - "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"
"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.
"I swear it!"
"Good! - then I will undertake to cure you."