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The Devil's Dictionary

by Ambrose Bierce
HOURI
HOUSELESS

HOUSE

-n.

A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beelte, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe.

House of Correction

a place of reward for political and personal service, and for the detention of offenders and appropriations.

House of God

a building with a steeple and a mortgage on it.

House-dog

a pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appal the hardy visitor.

House-maid

a youngerly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously disagreeable and ingeniously unc lean in the station in which it has pleased God to place her.