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The Devil's Dictionary

by Ambrose Bierce
GRAVITATION
GUILLOTINE

GREAT

-adj.

 "I'm great," the Lion said — "I reign
The monarch of the wood and plain!"
 The Elephant replied: "I'm great —
No quadruped can match my weight!"
 "I'm great — no animal has half
So long a neck!" said the Giraffe.
 "I'm great," the Kangaroo said — "see
My femoral muscularity!"
 The 'Possum said: "I'm great — behold,
My tail is lithe and bald and cold!"
 An Oyster fried was understood
To say: "I'm great because I'm good!"
 Each reckons greatness to consist
In that in which he heads the list,
 And Vierick thinks he tops his class
Because he is the greatest ass.

- Arion Spurl Doke