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Doctor Jokes

Doctor, doctor, I have this feeling that I'm invisible!

Doctor w/ X-Ray

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory!

– When did you lose it?

   When did I lose what?

Doctor, doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound!

Try answering the phone!

Doctor, doctor, what did the X-ray of my head show?


Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm turning into a bear!

– How long have you felt this way?

   Ever since I was a cub!

Doctor, doctor, everyone thinks I'm a liar!

I just can't believe that!

Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses!

I think so too-this is a candy store!

Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing funny spots before my eyes!

– Have you seen a doctor before?

   No, just funny spots!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a hundred-dollar bill!

Go to the store-change would do you good!

Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in four places!

Well, don't go back to any of them!


Doctor, doctor, I have this feeling that I'm invisible!

Did I hear a voice?

Doctor, doctor, I've had a stomachache since I ate that cheese.

– Did it smell funny when you unwrapped it?

   I was supposed to unwrap it?

Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed my pen!

Well then, start using a pencil!

Doctor, doctor, will I be able to swim after this operation?

– Yes!

   Great, I never could before!

Doctor, doctor, whenever I drink juice I get a pain in my eye!

Try taking the straw out of the glass!

Doctor w/ Bandaid

Doctor, doctor, I think I've turned into a dog!

– Please sit down on this chair and tell me about it.

   I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture!

Information Please® Database, © 2007 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Did you know?
Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan is the only baseball player to have his number retired by three teams—Texas, Houston and California. This doesn't include Jackie Robinson whose No. 42 was retired by all teams.

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